the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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