put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
