I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
