why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
