Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
