Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
PANTIES FOUND
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