Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
