I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I smell stomach acid.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even my vagina gasped.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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