i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
