I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
