my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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