I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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