just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
