somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
