I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
