don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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