so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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