If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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