Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
