I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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