Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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