Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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