he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
