The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
