just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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