Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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