Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
