I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
