If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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