My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
