I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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