So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
