yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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