After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
