JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
handjob tips. give me some.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
