Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
