You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your cock deserves a montage
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
