I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
