Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
