high people should be assigned attendants
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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