I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
