Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
