Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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