I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
