Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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