either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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