Is it because I queefed?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i dont even know how to be here
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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