Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
