I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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