If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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