38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
