Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
