So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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