Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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