dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
COCAINE IS GR8
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
