last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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