He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my being single is dangerous.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
