My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
