DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
