WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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