This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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