i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
