She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
