All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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