i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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