Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
