i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
