No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
