This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
