mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
