if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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