You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
