Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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