there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
