her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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