I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
