he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
