This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
