Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
