dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
